Thursday, August 27, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Episode 9
In which Suzanne and Solomon study geography . . .
Solomon: You know, when I was little, the only Christians I knew were Southern Baptists.
Solomon: You know, when I was little, the only Christians I knew were Southern Baptists.
Suzanne: Didn't you grow up in Brooklyn?
Solomon: Yeah, they had all moved north for the weather. Anyway, because of them, I always thought Galilee was somewhere in Alabama.
Suzanne: That's okay, so did they.
Solomon: Yeah, they had all moved north for the weather. Anyway, because of them, I always thought Galilee was somewhere in Alabama.
Suzanne: That's okay, so did they.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Episode 8
In which Solomon and Suzanne contemplate the life hereafter . . .
Solomon: So explain this eternity thing to me again. If you're good and believe that water is wine that people walked on, you get to live in the clouds forever after you die?
Suzanne: I guess you could say that, except that it's completely wrong. People have very different ideas about what paradise will be like.
Solomon: That's for sure. I'm not really big on Harp music either. And I don't see why being dead means you have to wear white after labor day. I look much better in lilac.
Suzanne: I'll never understand where you get your information. Is that from the Bible? Or from ABC Family?
Solomon: So explain this eternity thing to me again. If you're good and believe that water is wine that people walked on, you get to live in the clouds forever after you die?
Suzanne: I guess you could say that, except that it's completely wrong. People have very different ideas about what paradise will be like.
Solomon: That's for sure. I'm not really big on Harp music either. And I don't see why being dead means you have to wear white after labor day. I look much better in lilac.
Suzanne: I'll never understand where you get your information. Is that from the Bible? Or from ABC Family?
Episode 7
In which Solomon searches for a hero, but never finds anyone to look up to . . .
Solomon: It was always so hard for me growing up
Suzanne: Because you couldn't afford Oil of Olay on your allowance?
Solomon: And also because there were no heathen role models for me on television
Suzanne: That's because you heathens are scary
Solomon: Is that why we never have your kids here in these episodes?
Suzanne: No, that's because the program only allows two characters
Solomon: It was always so hard for me growing up
Suzanne: Because you couldn't afford Oil of Olay on your allowance?
Solomon: And also because there were no heathen role models for me on television
Suzanne: That's because you heathens are scary
Solomon: Is that why we never have your kids here in these episodes?
Suzanne: No, that's because the program only allows two characters
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Episode 5
In which Suzanne and Solomon celebrate the holy days...
Text:
Solomon: You've got something on your forehead, here let me get that.
Suzanne: Leave it alone. Don't you know what today is? It's Ash Wednesday
Solomon: Oh, they used to have that at this bar I used to go to. Never figured you'd be into that. Still, why is it grey?
Suzanne: I said Ash, with an "H" at the end. It's a religious holiday.
Solomon: Oh, that is totally confusing.
Text:
Solomon: You've got something on your forehead, here let me get that.
Suzanne: Leave it alone. Don't you know what today is? It's Ash Wednesday
Solomon: Oh, they used to have that at this bar I used to go to. Never figured you'd be into that. Still, why is it grey?
Suzanne: I said Ash, with an "H" at the end. It's a religious holiday.
Solomon: Oh, that is totally confusing.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Episode 4
In which Suzanne and Solomon discover they have friends in common...
Text:
Suzanne: Oh no! Mr. Reverend, the preacher, is coming up the driveway.
Solomon: Why is that a bad thing? Your hair looks great!
Suzanne: Look, not all Christians are as open minded as me, would you mind hiding in the closet?
Solomon: Yeah, that's going to happen...... Wait - is that Mr. Reverend? Problem solved.
Suzanne: What do you mean?
Solomon: He's not hiding in the closet either!
Text:
Suzanne: Oh no! Mr. Reverend, the preacher, is coming up the driveway.
Solomon: Why is that a bad thing? Your hair looks great!
Suzanne: Look, not all Christians are as open minded as me, would you mind hiding in the closet?
Solomon: Yeah, that's going to happen...... Wait - is that Mr. Reverend? Problem solved.
Suzanne: What do you mean?
Solomon: He's not hiding in the closet either!
Episode 3
In which Suzanne and Solomon discuss scripture...
Text:
Solomon: I just don't see how the bible is applicable today.
Suzanne: There's lots of really great lessons that can still be learned.
Solomon: Like not wearing polyester? Cause I'm all about the natural fibers.
Suzanne: No! Like the sermon on the mount, "If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also."
Solomon: Oh yeah, that makes total sense. I mean, you wouldn't want to be all puffy and swollen just on one side. Then you'd be lopsided.
Text:
Solomon: I just don't see how the bible is applicable today.
Suzanne: There's lots of really great lessons that can still be learned.
Solomon: Like not wearing polyester? Cause I'm all about the natural fibers.
Suzanne: No! Like the sermon on the mount, "If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also."
Solomon: Oh yeah, that makes total sense. I mean, you wouldn't want to be all puffy and swollen just on one side. Then you'd be lopsided.
Episode 2
In which Suzanne and Solomon discover the truth behind the myth...
Text:
Suzanne: I'm really sorry about that, I had no idea that would happen.
Solomon: It's totally fine, how would you? It's not like I'd ever run into that before.
Suzanne: It's totally crazy, I mean, Holy Water burns non-believers? Who knew?
Solomon: On the bright side, it totally got rid of those fine lines around my eyes.
Text:
Suzanne: I'm really sorry about that, I had no idea that would happen.
Solomon: It's totally fine, how would you? It's not like I'd ever run into that before.
Suzanne: It's totally crazy, I mean, Holy Water burns non-believers? Who knew?
Solomon: On the bright side, it totally got rid of those fine lines around my eyes.
Episode 1
In which Suzanne and Solomon come to terms after church.
Text:
Suzanne: That's it! You are never coming to church with us again!
Solomon: What did I do? I was only trying to help.
Suzanne: Help? By ruining the communion wafers and defiling the wine?
Solomon: Oh! I thought that was the brunch set-up. Still, you have to admit, the body of christ tastes better with a shmear!
Text:
Suzanne: That's it! You are never coming to church with us again!
Solomon: What did I do? I was only trying to help.
Suzanne: Help? By ruining the communion wafers and defiling the wine?
Solomon: Oh! I thought that was the brunch set-up. Still, you have to admit, the body of christ tastes better with a shmear!
Welcome
My Favorite Heathen is a parody of the unlikely friendship between Suzanne Mosley and Solomon Singer, a Christian girl and an atheist gay man. Many of the episodes are based on actual conversations these two have had. New episodes will be posted each week. All comments are welcome!
Enjoy.
Enjoy.
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