Episode 10

In which Solomon and Suzanne ponder why Catholicism could never be Gilt-free . . .

Episode 9

In which Suzanne and Solomon study geography . . .



Solomon: You know, when I was little, the only Christians I knew were Southern Baptists.

Suzanne: Didn't you grow up in Brooklyn?

Solomon: Yeah, they had all moved north for the weather.  Anyway, because of them, I always thought Galilee was somewhere in Alabama.

Suzanne: That's okay, so did they.

Episode 8

In which Solomon and Suzanne contemplate the life hereafter . . .



Solomon: So explain this eternity thing to me again. If you're good and believe that water is wine that people walked on, you get to live in the clouds forever after you die?

Suzanne: I guess you could say that, except that it's completely wrong. People have very different ideas about what paradise will be like.

Solomon: That's for sure. I'm not really big on Harp music either. And I don't see why being dead means you have to wear white after labor day. I look much better in lilac.

Suzanne: I'll never understand where you get your information. Is that from the Bible? Or from ABC Family?

Episode 7

In which Solomon searches for a hero, but never finds anyone to look up to . . .



Solomon: It was always so hard for me growing up

Suzanne: Because you couldn't afford Oil of Olay on your allowance?

Solomon: And also because there were no heathen role models for me on television

Suzanne: That's because you heathens are scary

Solomon: Is that why we never have your kids here in these episodes?

Suzanne: No, that's because the program only allows two characters

Episode 6

In which Suzanne explains religious cosmetology . . .



Solomon: So you're telling me you put ash on your forehead on purpose?

Suzanne: Yes, it's to repent for my sins.

Solomon: Well start burning trees, because I'm going to need more than a smudge!

Episode 5

In which Suzanne and Solomon celebrate the holy days...




Text:

Solomon:  You've got something on your forehead, here let me get that.

Suzanne:  Leave it alone. Don't you know what today is? It's Ash Wednesday

Solomon:  Oh, they used to have that at this bar I used to go to. Never figured you'd be into that. Still, why is it grey?

Suzanne:  I said Ash, with an "H" at the end. It's a religious holiday.

Solomon:  Oh, that is totally confusing.

Suzanne: You're such an Ash!

Episode 4

In which Suzanne and Solomon discover they have friends in common...




Text:

Suzanne:  Oh no! Mr. Reverend, the preacher, is coming up the driveway.

Solomon:  Why is that a bad thing? Your hair looks great!

Suzanne:  Look, not all Christians are as open minded as me, would you mind hiding in the closet?

Solomon:  Yeah, that's going to happen...... Wait - is that Mr. Reverend? Problem solved.

Suzanne:  What do you mean?

Solomon:  He's not hiding in the closet either!